Vice Magazine got the crapola scared out of them at Barbie's Dream House, a pepto-pink prepubescent girl's purported paradise now at Sawgrass Mills Mall, an attraction that Curbed National has previously covered over here. So, how does ever-dirty Vice describe the pink world of perky niceness? Do read on for the juiciest lines:
"Barbie's Dream House sounds scarier than a chemical drug trip in Amsterdam," she said, "You can't go alone." On the wall, a picture of Barbie started to move. Barbie explained that she was out of town and had "lost her glitter" (Florida stripper speak for "I lost my cocaine") and needed our help "finding her glitter."
"This is just like the Haunted Mansion," Melanie said.
"Um, no it's not," Leila [the tour guide] corrected her. "The Haunted Mansion isn't pink."
There was no food [in the fridge] at all. I'm not sure what this was supposed to tell little girls, but to me it looked like Leila needed to stage an intervention for Barbie's obvious eating disorder.
"What's this for?" I asked as I stepped inside the Gitterizer.
"Barbie steps in every morning to glitterize,"
· Barbie's Dream House coverage [Curbed National]
· The Barbie Dreamhouse Experience Is The Scariest Place On Earth [Vice]